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Last year I started getting this feeling when I was reading scripture if I could put this feeling into words it said, “ask God to give you a mountain”. I felt it repeatedly probably because I did NOT ask. It scared me, not the feeling but of being obedient. What if I asked God to give me a mountain (task/plan/greater responsibility) and He responds with something nearly impossible to fulfill during this season? A drop it all and follow me to the jungle, wait what about my husband, my kids? I instantly thought about the Calling of Elisha (1 Kings 19:21) where he receives the call, while working his land, he immediately burned his equipment, killed his Ox, fed his village, and left following Elijah. So, I resisted. I ignored and justified my disobedience. Until one day something changed, I am not even exactly sure what caused the shift, but I know that God is always faithful even when we are not. On that day, I bravely stepped forth in faith and trust. My disobedience was a lack of faith and trust in the plans of my Heavenly Father. He knows me, better than I know me. God knows this season; He knows my husband and kids and He knows my strengths. He is not going to send me into a faraway jungle by myself if that is not the best way for me to serve Him. But if it is, I better listen! Ultimately, He knows best, not me!
I asked for forgiveness and boldly prayed to God, to give me a mountain. Lord, use me, let me serve, put me where I can help share your Word and touch others. The Holy Spirit and scripture as my guide may I be a conduit for you to share your message. I did not have a plan or a clue on how I might prove useful to the Lord. I just submitted with faith and trust. Not long after this request and prayer I felt the gentle nudge to write. That gentle nudge quickly evolved into a call to write with scripture as my root message and to share my life transparently and vulnerably with others. After writing for several months just last week someone referred to my writings as devotionals, and it was the first time I realized that is what I was doing. To me, I was just putting one foot in front of the other, walking the path that was set before me, and trying hard to not be deterred by “less than” thinking. Obedience does not equal easy, this process has caused unplanned forced growth and challenged me. A remote jungle alone might have felt like an easier assignment than being publicly vulnerable. It has also blessed me immensely and brought me closer to God. The Lord will use you, ask for your mountain (Mark 11:23-25).