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Have you ever met a difficult person? A person with the potential to bring out the worst in you. All those ugly thoughts and feelings knock aggressively at your heart and attempt to take up residence in your mind. Those thoughts left unchecked spin and swirl they are a toxic distraction.
I imagine asking this question to a packed room of hundreds and being ever so grateful for the outstretched arm way in the back. Yes, me too. I become ashamed, the investment in time and energy does not bring glory to God, yet I fall back into the bait repeatedly, unable or unwilling to extricate myself. I feel trapped and while I know this person is a trial in my life and there are lessons to be learned the more I get tangled like a kitten in a ball of yarn the less I can see those truths. Again, I look to the back of the imaginary room for just one head nod that all this confession isn’t in vain. Yes, me too.
I think of Proverbs 4:23
23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Proverbs 4:23 NIV
And acknowledge I am doing a lousy job of protecting my heart. I think of Paul and his letter to the Corinthians imploring them to take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ.
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
2 Corinthians 10:6 NIV
And I embrace Galatians 6:7-9
7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8 Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. 9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Galatians 6:7-9 NIV
Because truth told, I have pointed a lot of fingers, spent a lot of time trying to figure out why this person is the way they are while ignoring why I was created. It should not be a surprise the answers I seek are in scripture. I have fallen into a worldly trap, and I need Jesus. When I seek Him, I do not have time for all this nonsense, I am reminded by the Word that all this effort is a distraction, it is distance, and it is sin. I am not living the life I was created to live when I allow others to dictate my thoughts or my feelings. This is not about them, this is about me.
Lord forgive me, I have wandered into a worldly trap, and it is keeping me from serving you with all my heart, soul, might, and strength. I cannot serve two masters and you are King. You, Jesus, are my King. The Holy Spirit as my guide please help me navigate the complexities of this relationship while staying true to my purpose. Root me in scripture, fill my heart with grace, patience, and love. May I find ways to bless, to speak love over all those who cross my path even the difficult ones. I seek you Jesus and lift my voice in praise. Thank you for loving a sinner like me. Amen