0
0
We lost a 2-month-old lamb last evening, we tried everything to save him including an after-hours weekend visit to the farm vet which is far from ideal. While I love living on a farm, growing our food, and teaching our children about the value of life the flip side death is never easy especially unexpected death.
I did not sleep well last night as I replayed the day in my head, questioning what if anything I could have done as a shepherd to deter this loss. I felt guilt for we being away from home that morning, maybe I could have caught it sooner. I remembered other losses over the years and my guilt compounded. I prayed, asking God for help, to lift this burden.
He will again have compassion on us and will subdue our iniquities. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea.
Micah 7:19 NKJV
He is strong, He is faithful, He can comfort grief and absolve sins. Lean on Him, not your understanding, not your strength, as you will break weak every time. This is something I probably will forever struggle with, letting God in and keeping Him front and center in my life.
I want to be strong, unbreakable, an impenetrable emotional fortress but I am not those things, they are an act, a thorn. I do not get my strength through me; I get it through Him. I do not get my strength through shutting down, I get it through weakness and humility. I revisit 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 this morning.
7 And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. 8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 NKJV
Although loss is never easy it is part of this life, the lesson I must learn again and again is to not pretend to be an impenetrable emotional fortress but to let the love and light shine in.