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It has been a long 48 hours at our place, before noon yesterday, we had lost a second lamb try as we might save her. It was such a helpless feeling, even after the vet visit, we were not 100% sure of the cause. I prayed over her before she passed, I asked God to save her, friends and family prayed too, and she still died.
I was deeply saddened by her death and the helplessness in the situation. It would have been easy enough to blame God, accuse Him of not listening, and not caring. Maybe even doubting His existence. But I am not God, I am not able to see the bigger picture, and shutting down prevents me from hearing Him. Amid uncertainty and helplessness, the Lord gave me insight on how to help the flock and I immediately started a second treatment method. If I would have chosen to stew in my frustration, I am confident I would have missed the message. I am grateful I choose to listen.
Going to bed last night I was not sure if two others would be standing when I woke this morning. I did not even want to go check, I stalled I even expressed my hesitation to my husband. I was overcome with relief when he reported the remainder of our lambs were still alive. I do not know what the future holds, for the remaining lambs. I do not know if the primary or secondary treatment or both is stopping the deaths. I know with all my heart that not shutting myself off, not pushing away, not trying to be an impenetrable emotional fortress, and letting the love and light of God shine in helped. It helped me, and it might have saved the rest of my lambs.
Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of Your hand.
Isaiah 64:8 NIV
Lord, thank you for your love and light. In uncertainty, frustration and sorrow let me lean not on my understanding by on You. The Holy Spirit as my guide help me to listen when I want to walk away. Help me to feel when I want to shut down. I put my faith in you God, you are a good Father.
Amen